


Can’t Fight This Feeling

by snowtamale



Series: Heaven is a Place on Earth [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bechloe if you really squint, Doctor Stacie, F/F, Happy Ending, Inept Aubrey, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 07:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowtamale/pseuds/snowtamale
Summary: In which Aubrey is inept at relationships and doesn’t know a good thing when she’s got it.





	Can’t Fight This Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been a hot sec since I’ve written fic, but here I am. I’m still trying to get into the Staubrey groove so there may be more in this verse but for now, it’ll just be a one-shot.

“Stay here tonight,” Stacie offers as she grabs t-shirt from the floor and throws it on. 

Aubrey watches from the edge of the bed as Stacie heads to the bathroom. A few seconds later and Stacie pops her head out of the bathroom. She’s got a toothbrush sticking out the side of her mouth and she tosses a second, still-in-its-packaging toothbrush onto Aubrey’s lap. 

Aubrey turns the toothbrush over in her hands. The sound of running water floats through the open bathroom door. Stacie hums softly and the whole thing is so domestic and relationshippy. 

She wants to stay. She wants domestic and relationshippy. It would be so easy to ignore the rules they established when they started this _thing_. In some ways, this, somewhere comfortable with someone caring, is all she’s ever wanted. 

Instead, Aubrey finds her clothes, dresses herself, and calls a lift home. 

—-

Secretly, Aubrey loves a good romcom. 

Secretly, Aubrey made a checklist for her life based on those romcoms as a teenager. 

Not so secretly, Aubrey is constantly disappointed with how different her life is to the movies. 

(Winking at the fourth wall: check)

—-

It all goes back to her relationship with her parents. Which is a total cliche except it’s true. 

Aubrey loves her father. Truly. But he’s always been her father- not her dad. 

Aubrey’s father was hands on when he wasn’t deployed. He showed up at all her sports games and recitals when he was in town. He loved giving her advice based on his experiences in the First Gulf War. He talked a lot at her and a lot less to her. Most of their conversations involved a lot of him talking and a lot of her nodding. It never occured to Aubrey how little she knew about the man, how much of a mystery her father was (still is, honestly).

Her mom on the other hand? She was there to bandage every scrape, kiss every bruise, and hug Aubrey tightly when the hurt wasn’t physical. Her mom also loved playing all the hits from the 80’s. Every day when Aubrey would get home from school, her mom would be singing along to the same songs while starting dinner. Those two hours when she did her homework at the dining room table, listening to her mom badly belt REO Speedwagon, were some of Aubrey’s happiest memories. 

Then, she walked into her kitchen after school one day to see her father with his head down on the table as two police officers spoke in hushed voices.

(Dead mom: check)

She and her father didn’t have heart to hearts before her mom passed and nothing changed once her mom was gone. 

(Stiff relationship with father: check)

So Aubrey doesn’t really have a model for any kind of close, intimate relationships in her life. The relatively normal childhood she’d experienced was replaced by a life spent bouncing from army base to army base. Without her mom to provide any kind of anchor, Aubrey winds up going to seven high schools in four years. She learns how to make short term friends and avoids getting too attached to anyone.

(Dead mom leading to a fear of intimacy and abandonment issues: check) 

She’s lucky enough to stumble into Chloe on her first day of college. And she’s even luckier that Chloe sticks to people. It’s the first time since her mom died that Aubrey opens up about anything in her life. 

(Close friend who is her opposite in nearly every way: check)

Despite being a closet romantic, Aubrey goes through college without dating anyone seriously. It’s not for lack of trying; she goes on dates and even tries her hand at a couple of relationships. It isn’t like the movies at all. There aren’t any grand gestures, surprising confessions, and she’s definitely never swept off her feet. In the end, every relationship leaves Aubrey feeling more lonely.

 

Once she’s a working adult, she kind of gives up on that part of her life. She works for a consulting firm that has her flying from one end of the country to the other every few days. Airports become more like a home than her actual apartment and she perfects the art of freshening up in the plane bathroom. 

(Ready to give up on love: check)

Miraculously though, she stays friends with Chloe (or rather Chloe stays friends with her). Chloe nags her about how living a life in hotel rooms wasn’t much of a life at all. Privately, Aubrey agrees. There’s nothing steady in her life. She can barely remember what city she’s in for the day, nevermind keep track of birthdays or holidays. 

The upside to the insane amount of travel she does is that she never has time to dwell on her loneliness. Her father is rarely home for any holidays so there’s no real reason for Aubrey to return home to an empty house. Her Thanksgivings are marked by takeout and writing up reports for work. Her Christmases are only marginally less sad. Before her mom passed, Aubrey did learn how to make her mom’s special holiday cookies so as much as she can, Aubrey tries to bake a batch for her co-workers every year. 

She gets away with it for a few years. But then for all her hard work, she gets a promotion and winds up settling in the New York office. She’s still no better at making relationships last (not that she tries, honestly). So Aubrey settles into a friends with benefits situation.

It works for her. 

She never gets her hopes up, never expects Stacie to sweep her off her feet or any of that crap. And before she knows it, she and Stacie have been friends with benefits for close to a year. 

They have rules, like never staying the night or not going out together. They don’t share personal details about each other like what they do for a living or what their families are like. It helps keep the lines from blurring. Aubrey doesn’t even realize how much she’s come to value Stacie’s place in her life. Despite knowing few details about Stacie, Aubrey does know that Stacie is incredibly quick witted and down to earth. She does enjoy the few non-sexual moments they share together, but Aubrey is always quick to remember their boundaries and why they exist. 

—-

“Stay here tonight.”

The words replay in Aubrey’s head over and over again. But she shakes off the feeling of guilt. She’s not in a relationship with Stacie after all. 

Aubrey is opening the door when she hears Stacie’s voice again, 

“You know you can stay over-“

“I know,” Aubrey cuts her off, “but we have rules.”

Stacie rolls her eyes and tries again, “We’ve eaten dinner together three times this week. I gave you a toothbrush Aubrey. ”

“I know but we have the rules for a reason,” Aubrey finishes weakly with a frown. 

She expects Stacie to try convincing her again. It this was a rom com and Stacie was her love interest, Stacie would fight for this. Instead, they stand in front of Stacie’s front door for a long moment. After another second Stacie just shakes her head,

“Get home safe.”

(Rejecting romantic gesture out of fear: check)

—-

Aubrey is supposed to be enjoying a movie night with Chloe, but she hasn’t watched more than five minutes of the movie. Her phone has been mysteriously silent for the entire day. It isn’t like Stacie to go a full day without some kind of sexy texts. It’s not that Aubrey is counting on Stacie’s texts, it’s just that usually, by this time in the day, Stacie’s sent her more than a couple of innuendo laden messages. Aubrey is so caught up in checking her phone that she doesn’t notice when Chloe pauses the movie. 

“So how’s your mystery person?”

Aubrey‘s head snaps up and she looks at Chloe with wide eyes. 

“Come on Bree. You’ve been checking your phone more than you’ve been watching the movie. Besides, if you don’t talk about it with me who can you talk about it with.”

Aubrey concedes, “we’re just having fun. There’s nothing to talk about. She gets-“

“Aha! She! So what’s her name?” Chloe is bouncing so hard in her seat on the sofa that Aubrey is pretty sure she’s getting air on each bounce. 

Aubrey rolls her eyes, “Chlo-“

“I know, I know- it’s not a relationship, you don’t want to talk about it.” 

Chloe lets out a sharp breath, “I’m just worried about you Bree.”

“It’s easier like this.”

“Cutoff? Alone? It’s sad Aubrey,” Chloe says as she scoots closer to Aubrey on the couch. 

“I have you,” Aubrey reminds her.

Chloe shakes her head, “and I’m not a stand in for a significant other- as delicious as it is being your plus one to every company party.” 

“You know what it was like for me in college.”

“You mean with your ridiculous expectations?”

“They’re not ridiculous,” Aubrey scoffs. 

Chloe sighs, “honestly Bree, if you look for perfection you’re never going to find it. If you keep waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet, no one ever will.”

On some level, Aubrey knows that Chloe is right. She’s asking for a fairytale and that just isn’t life. She _knows_ that life isn’t a rom com and that the real thing is messier and more confusing and hurts way more. It’s just that Aubrey’s been hurt. She knows loss. And she knows she never wants to feel that way again. 

“Look at Beca and I. I didn’t know I was being swept off my feet and then one day- I was,” Chloe interrupts her thoughts. “Sometimes you just have take a chance.”

“I’ve taken those chances Chlo and-” Aubrey lets her words trail off as she shrugs.

“That’s because half the time you don’t even _like_ the person you’re dating,” Chloe waves off Aubrey’s protests and continues.

“You like something about them but you don’t like _them_. Try starting with attraction.” 

“Attraction?” Aubrey asks, confused, “Chloe I-“

Chloe shakes her head, “not physical attraction, but the _thing_ about them that keeps you wanting more.”

Aubrey raises an eyebrow and Chloe elaborates,

“Beca is super hot, but the thing that attracted me to her was her music. Watching her make mixes made me-“

“Got it,” Aubrey cuts Chloe off, saving herself from any more details surrounding her best friend’s turn ons. 

—-

When she wakes the next morning without so much as a butt text from Stacie, Aubrey takes matters into her own hands and texts Stacie. She almost never initiates, so she expects _something_ in response, but by lunch it’s clear that her first “How’s your day” message is being ignored. 

So, Aubrey tries again. She does her best to write a flirty text, going so far as to reference freaking _Afternoon Delight_. But still, her texts go unanswered. When dinner rolls around, and _still_ nothing, Aubrey tries calling only to be routed straight to voicemail. Sure, Aubrey knows she was a bit of a dick the last time they talked but really? Completely ignoring her?

If that’s the route Stacie wants to take, they’re going to at least end it in person. So Aubrey winds up knocking on Stacie’s apartment door. 

“Hey-“ Stacie’s neighbor peeks out of his door after ten minutes of Aubrey beating on Stacie’s door. 

“Hey,” Aubrey flushes with embarrassment. She hadn’t intended to disturb anyone else. But being ignored like she’s in some middle school relationship is just low. 

“Uh, Stacie’s not home.”

Aubrey deflates, “oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know when she will home?”

He shrugs, “no idea. Her schedule isn’t exactly predictable. You’re welcome to wait until she does.”

—-

Aubrey is half asleep, leaned against Stacie’s door when she hears the tell-tale thump of the elevator reaching its destination. She straightens up, smooths her hair and stands. 

Stacie is in scrubs. She has the forced wide eyes of someone trying to stay awake. Her hair is tied up in a messy top-knot-adjacent bun. And when Stacie notices Aubrey at her door, she stops halfway through a step and nearly trips on her neighbor’s welcome mat. 

Until this moment, Aubrey hadn’t ever thought about what Stacie did for a living. Until this moment, Aubrey hadn’t really treated Stacie like a person. Until this moment, Aubrey hadn’t even considered that the unanswered calls and texts was not even _about her_. And until this moment, Aubrey hadn’t realized how much she wanted to get to know Stacie. 

“Aubrey.” 

Stacie stands between her neighbor’s door and her own, but doesn’t walk any closer to her own front door. Aubrey stands and offers a quiet greeting,

“Hey.”

Stacie doesn’t reply right away. She stares at Aubrey, a slight frown on her face. The hallway is so quiet, Aubrey hears the sounds of the hall lights buzzing. Aubrey realizes that she needs to say something, but her brain is still stuck on Stacie wearing scrubs. Stacie is frozen in the hallway too blinking furiously as though she will clear Aubrey from her vision. 

“Look, I just came off a 24 hour shift-“ 

“What do you do?” Aubrey interrupts, before she can stop herself. 

Stacie raises her eyebrows in surprise, “I’m third year resident in Emergency Medicine.”

Aubrey nods and gestures towards herself,

“I’m in finance. Where did you grow up?”

“What are you doing here Aubrey?” Stacie asks, her voice hoarse. 

“I wanted to see you.”

“Is that why I have,” Stacie pulls out her phone, “ five texts and three missed calls from you?”

Aubrey nods. 

“Well I’m too tired to _see you_ tonight.” Stacie sighs, rummaging around her bag before producing her keys. 

Aubrey protests, “Not like that.”

Stacie looks up from her keys to Aubrey and narrows her eyes,

“What do you want then Aubrey? Really? Why are you here? Because you made it pretty clear to me last time that we should be sticking to our rules. And the last time I checked, coming over for anything besides sex is against _the rules_.”

Aubrey wants to say the right words. She wants to tell Stacie that her favorite part of their time together isn’t the mind blowing sex but it’s when they’re half dressed eating Thai takeout in Stacie’s living room. She wants to tell Stacie how warm it makes her feel when Stacie laces their fingers together when they leave a bar together. She wants to tell Stacie that the glasses Stacie hates so much actually make her look nerdy in an incredibly hot way. 

Aubrey wants to say all of those things but the words stay stuck in her throat. Stacie shoves her key into the lock and Aubrey knows it’s her last chance.

“I-,” Aubrey manages to get out.

At a loss for words in the most important moment: check

Stacie looks expectantly at Aubrey. But before Aubrey can get any more words her stomach churns in an unpleasantly familiar way. She grimaces and swallows hard, trying to tamp the nausea. Aubrey cringes,

“I’m going to puke.”

Stacie points her to the trashcan a couple hundred feet back down the hall. Aubrey sprints for the trash and barely makes it before her dinner is coming back up. 

Aubrey dry heaves a few times and stays leaned over the trash can, breathing deeply. She stays there for another few moments before she’s sure there’s nothing else that will come up. 

Embarrassing moment in front of love interest: check

“Sorry,” Aubrey murmurs as she walks back towards Stacie. To her credit, Stacie looks unfazed. 

“When I get nervous...“ 

“That’s a hell of a nervous habit,” Stacie says under her breath. 

“Do you want to come inside?”

Aubrey nods and Stacie holds the door for her. 

Once inside, Stacie drops her bag on the bench in just inside the front door. Stacie heads into her bedroom and Aubrey isn’t sure what to do with herself. Sitting on any of the furniture feels too presumptuous so she stays hovering between the door and the kitchen. 

“Are you going to freak out and tell me it’s against the rules if I hand you a cup and toothbrush to rinse your mouth?” Stacie asks, popping her head and arm out of her bedroom. 

Aubrey shakes her head and takes the proffered dental equipment, “I’m sorry I left the other night.”

Stacie says nothing, but makes no move toward retreat into her bedroom. Aubrey takes that as a win and continues while she has the guts to, 

“I’m not good at relationships. And I haven’t ever wanted to be in one.”

Which is the truth. For all her love of romance and for being a closet romantic, thinking back? Aubrey didn’t actually want to be in the relationships she wound up in. She did and does want _true love_ whatever that means, but she’s never been incredibly invested in her past relationships. 

“I know. You made it clear to me when we met,” Stacie breaks their eye contact and looks at the toothbrush in Aubrey’s hand.

“It was just a toothbrush. Nothing more.”

“It starts with just a toothbrush,” Aubrey argues out of habit before the words even pass through her brain to mouth filter. 

Stacie throws her hands into the air in exasperation, “Aubrey, we’re just bang buddies. I get it.”

“That’s not what-” Aubrey shakes her head emphatically. “I like you.”

Stacie says nothing. She raises her eyes to meet Aubrey’s and Aubrey holds her stare. Aubrey’s heart stutters against her ribcage and with each passing second, she begins to consider the very real possibility that does Stacie reject her. 

“You like me?”

“I like you. Romantically,” Aubrey clarifies.

But Stacie still doesn’t respond. She stares at Aubrey, studying her. Aubrey can feel the bile start coming up again because of course Stacie is going to reject her. Who would want a projectile vomiting, romantically inept mess like her? 

She moves back towards the door but Stacie is faster and blocks her from grabbing the door handle.

“I want to kiss you but only after you don’t taste like puke.”

“You what?”

It takes another second for Aubrey to process the words. And she repeats, dumbly, “you want to kiss me.”

Stacie smiles for the first time that night, “I like you too Aubrey. Can you please at least rinse your mouth out now?”

(Gets the girl: check)


End file.
